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  Her clothing was sliced off as her old and wrinkly body as she was ripped open from the neck down to her crotch. A steaming mass of entrails hit the porch as the army of frogs, sent by the Alabama gods, continued their assault of hacking, slicing, stabbing and ripping.

  And as the body of Dorothy Bane was torn to shreds, and her pieces scattered all over her house by the frog army, the original six played on. When the murder was complete, and the house walls were repainted with Dorothy’s blood, the frog army marched back into the creek. Deep into the heart of the woods they marched like little green soldiers as the band played on.

  And the sounds of their wonderful music carried on throughout the night. In the morning their songs were replaced by that of early morning birds, the sound of running water in the stream and the soft croaking of the countless frogs which reside in the Alabama wilderness.

  The Thin Grey Men

  “Come on Bucky, this is bullshit!” Phil yelled to me as he stood at the top of the playground. I smiled at him and shook my head with full disapproval. He looked like a fool; standing there in a ninja Halloween costume. I couldn’t be seen with this dip shit.

  “Are you kidding me? What the fuck is that?”

  “It’s a ninja suit.”

  “No shit Sherlock, but why?”

  “We’re going to steal that Nintendo game from Craig; he won’t see me in this.”

  “Dude, what he’ll see is a total douche bag trying to steal his shit. Then he’ll kick your goddamn ass. Get that thing off or I’ll just steal the game myself. If I do that though, I won’t let you play it.”

  Phil sighed for a second but then went down the slide. When he reached the sand below he immediately began pulling the ridiculous Woolworth’s costume off. I swear. I know we’re the same age but for thirteen years old he can be a complete moron. When he was back in his normal attire he ran over to me with the rags in hand.

  “Bucky, what am I supposed to do with this?”

  “Toss it away for all I care.”

  “My mom will tan my hide.”

  “Well hide it for now; we’ll get it later when we return with the game.”

  “Ok.” He hesitated but quickly ran to a rock where he tucked the costume with hopes that it would be still be there upon return. I know he hated me but I couldn’t care less. I wanted that game more than anything at this moment. It came out a few weeks ago, Super Mario Brothers 3, I almost had a heart attack when i heard and almost died when I realized that I didn’t have the money for it.. We were going to get that game.

  Craig is a rich kid. His mom will probably just think it got lost in his massive room of shit, the kind of shit spoiled little rich bitches accumulate but never even use. The son of a bitch barely used his Nintendo anyways now that he owns a Neo-Geo and a Sega Genesis. Boy, I wish I could steal those but it would be kind of hard to hide those from my parents.

  I hated my parents. My dad was a loser who worked at Levitz Furniture. He was an awful salesman who was always on the verge of being unemployed. Mom was a real up and comer at the Food Pantry. She was a head cashier. The two brought home measly pay checks and obviously sthey couldn’t part with the $39.99 that Super Mario Brothers cost. It wasn’t my fault I was born to a poor ass family. So, I decided to take it.

  Now I know I got this little fool with me but Phil is alright most of the time. He let me watch his mom undress one time, showed me a secret place where she wouldn’t catch us. Says he went here a lot to watch her. I know it’s a little creepy but fuck it; I got to see some boobs. She really ain’t too bad looking either.

  Now that we got the whole ninja costume out of the way I tell him it’s time. Well it was less of a statement and more of an order. We jump on our bikes as we tore down an old bike trail behind the school. We’re riding fast, pedaling hard as we whip around corners and jump overturn trees. Branch ahead, I duck. Small hole, I swerve. I am the master of my art and as I take the lead I see Phil catching up. Everything is a challenge to show I’m the best.

  “Come on you slow fart, try to catch up…unless you’re scared.”

  “I ain’t no wimp Bucky. Watch this!” Suddenly his speed increases as he frantically pedaled. I can’t let this little punk win so I pedal harder as well. My legs are really pumping blood now as my muscles burn and ache. I feel the adrenaline rush through me as my breathing becomes labored. Now we are really tearing down the trail at break neck speeds.

  “Come on baby boy! If you can’t hang you can always go home and suck on your mommy’s titty. Better yet, how about I suck that titty and you take your daddy’s dick!”

  “Fuck you, you’re the faggot you-“ Before he could finish I heard his bike smash. I slammed my brakes. My bike did a perfect donut in the sand as I jumped off and toward my friend. Phil was lying on the ground, crying. He’d hit a branch and went head over handle bars. I already had the insult ready but as I got closer I saw that his arm looked broken.

  “Oh fuck man.”

  “Bucky, it really hurts. I think I-“

  There was a blinding glow from the woods. Before I could react I felt a violent tug at my ankles and I was suddenly being dragged. I felt the branches and stuff tearing up my skin as I struggled to grab hold of a tree. It was pointless; whatever had me was pulling me too fast.

  I looked forward to see what it was. I made out what looked like a naked man with a thin frame. His long arm was grey and the skinny hand wrapped around my leg. I, for some reason, thought about my bike and hoped no one would steal it. Here I am being dragged by some naked pervert and all I can think about was my bike.

  He is naked. The thought suddenly became reality. A naked man kidnapping a thirteen year old boy could only amount to one thing. Was he going to try to force me to suck him? Was he going to try to stick things into my ass? The panic was setting in and the branches and rocks I was being dragged through were really tearing my skin up something nasty.

  We stopped in a clearing. I could hear the man talk but it certainly wasn’t English. What a strange dialect. It reminded me of old movies in which they discover some African Pygmies who talk that strange talk full of clicking sounds. It wasn’t the same but similar. The man turned toward me and I nearly shit myself.

  His eyes were large and round, a solid black. His head was oversized and sat upon a thin neck. The skinny frame, the grey skin, the strange language; these were aliens and I’m not talking about Mexicans from over the boarder either. These were actually extra-terrestrials!

  “Bucky! Help me for god’s sake!” I heard Phil scream as one of the grey aliens had scooped him up into his arms. A beam of light shot from the sky and within seconds they were gone. Before I could make sense of it my abductor scooped me up as well.

  “Let me down you faggot alien fuck!” I yelled, punching at its big head. It opened its mouth to reveal rows upon rows of sharp teeth. Terrified, and with a crotch full of fresh urine, I stopped my pathetic assault just as a beam of light fell from the sky. Within a second I was gone.

  ***

  I opened my eyes. How long had I been out? I didn’t even remember falling unconscious. As I pulled myself from the sleep fog I took a look around. It looked like something out of Star Wars. Everywhere I look I could see blinking lights and other electronic gadgets. I lifted my body but when I tried to stand I felt a strange disorientation. The word drunk came to mind, although I admit that I have never had a drink in my life. After a few seconds of trying to keep my stomach down I sat up.

  This room was certainly used for medical research. I’ve seen enough movies to know what this was. They were studying us. The thought of anal probes enters my mind and I shudder. Besides the endless walls of switches and buttons I see blood, and a lot of it. I knew this wasn’t going to end well if I didn’t do something. Although Phil was a pain in the ass I needed to find him.

  I needed to stand up. Alright, on three; one, two…three!

  I collapse to the floor. What the fuck? My legs were like jelly. Whatever those th
ings did to me I could barely move my legs. For what seemed like an eternity I sat there trying everything and finally I could move again. The whole time I kept thinking that at any minute those thin grey men would come in and get me. They didn’t. Was this an experiment? Were they watching me?

  When my legs decided to work I ran to what I perceived must be a door. No handle, of course. That would be too fucking convenient. Look around, look around; fuck someone was coming this way! No place to hid. Think. Table! I rush to it and I find the jackpot; surgical tools all laid out before me. I grab a really nasty looking knife and hide under the table.

  I wait. I can hear their gibberish talk. I wait and then opportunity hits. The door opens.

  I don’t give it a second. I rush the first body I see and plunge the blade into its abdomen. The penetration is squishy as the blade moves around freely inside the torso. It’s as if there are no bones to stop it. The screams are ungodly as red liquid spills out each time I stabbed. It sounds like a pig squeal. Fuckers bleed just like us.

  The second one was a coward. He ran and I immediately dashed into the hallway. An alarm sounded and I knew my time was now limited. I must find Phil and get out of this place.

  The hallway is a fucking nightmare. Blood, guts, bones, skulls, clothing, personal effects; for an advanced civilization they lived no cleaner than a savage. To my left I heard the noise. It was Phil. Of course the door was closed and I had no idea how it opened. Think…

  The alien I killed.

  I run back to the small room and rush to the corpse. Looking at his body I see nothing attached to him to open doors. There must be something. I look at the door for a means to enter and I find it. There is a pad on each side of the door, almost like a lighted welcome matt. This device must read their feet! How it worked I could care less; I need the right feet.

  I rush to the table. Knives, scalpels, drill like devices and then I see it. A hacksaw! I grab it and rush to the alien. Now being the sick kid I am I have mutilated my fair share of cats (what the fuck else is there to do in Eutaw Alabama?) so to cut this things feet off wouldn’t really upset my stomach at all. So I saw away.

  There seems to be no bone as I slice through him like butter. Now with the two severed feet in hand I hear Phil’s screams growing as I rush back to the and place the feet onto the small mat. It glows with a blue light. There is an electronic hum and the door slides open. Without a second to spare I rush in with that knife raised high.

  I see Phil on a table, an alien doing god knows as his blood is pouring off the table. I rush and start stabbing. The alien screams in agony as I stab the shit out of him. He stumbles, loses his balance and when he collapsed to the ground I take the knife and plunge it down into one of those big fucking eyes. Green goo leaks out as I twist the knife deeper and deeper until the fucker finally gives up and dies.

  Phil is still screaming. The alien had chopped his arm off. It looks bad. The bone near his elbow is exposed along with what looks like lose meat. “Come on Phil we got to go! You need a doctor!”

  “Bucky, why are you doing this?” What a weird question.

  “You’re my friend.”

  “You killed me!”

  “No you moron, I’m saving your stupid ass. Come on!”

  I look around for a weapon. There is none. I find it odd but perhaps these things are pacifists. They seem to be doing this in the name of science and perhaps they never expected anything to get this out of control. This was obvious by the fact that not a single alien showed up for the alarm. They must be hiding, waiting for it all to end.

  Even in space there are pussies.

  Now Phil is bleeding bad and seems to be on the verge of going into shock at any moment. He babbles about how I murdered him, about how I’m going to hell and I know this is a bad sign. He’s delusional. I know he’s going to die but not here. I’ll get him home. We run through the hallway until we see a room full of lights, the same colored lights that brought us into this place.

  “See Phil, we’re almost there.”

  “Why?”

  “Come on, we’re going home!”

  I knew it was too good to be true. Nothing is this easy. Before the door stands the only brave alien on this damn ship. He’s holding a screw driver looking thing and waves it at me; no laser guns or light sabers…nothing these sci fi dorks dream up every day. This was just a ship full of pussy pacifist aliens and common tools found in a redneck’s tool box.

  I’m still holding my knife so I take my chances. I rush the motherfucker and slice open its soft throat as it slams the screwdriver down on my shoulder. It hurt like a motherfucker but didn’t even break the skin. Their bodies are so weak; it amazes me that they die so easily. He’s too busy holding his neck together to bother with us so I grab Phil and rush toward the light.

  For a second we seem to float in this room. The light surrounds us and numbs us. I see a picture on a screen of the area where we last were. It was still programed for the spot where we were abducted. This seemed too easy. And before I knew it we were shot back down.

  We slam into the ground hard. I stand up, knife in hand and laugh. I can’t believe we’re actually back in Alabama, and can’t believe I’m so happy to be here. I see the police are here to. There are three of them and also a group of frightened people gawking with terrified faces. One officer pulls a gun out and tells me to drop the weapon. I look at him puzzled and do so.

  “We were abducted.” I shout. He ignores me.

  “Get down on your knees.”

  “I saved us from the aliens.”

  “I said get down on your knees.”

  “Tell them Phil.”

  I turn my head to Phil and see he’s dead. Then something strange happens. He was mutilated. How did this happen? His throat is slashed, his abdomen is stabbed, his arm is cut off along with his feet. All around me there is blood, I’m fucking drenched in it. I see the saw I used to cut the alien’s feet off.

  “I cut the feet off.” I mutter. “The alien…why?”

  “On your knees! This is your final warning!” The officer had a shot lined up on me. The people muttered amongst themselves. I heard one call me a murderer.

  “I killed the aliens! By the Alabama Gods you got to believe me!” I shouted to the cops. I looked around and suddenly it all came back to me. There were no aliens, there never was. There was no light beam, no space ship, no abduction…I did this. I cut the feet off, but the feet belonged to Phil. I killed my best friend.

  I look at the cops, at the people and in the crowd I see my mother. She looks embarrassed. She don’t look concerned, just mortified. I shake my head and laugh. I laugh because I don’t know what else to do.

  My psychologist is right. I need medication.

  The Incident at Bleak Ridge Lake

  I remember the tales from when I was a child, and now I believe that behind every tale there’s truth. You must understand that the town of Eutaw has always had its legends; we even had our own quasi-religion. We called them the Alabama Gods. The residents really ate this shit up. It was kind of Christian, kind of Voodoo mixed with Paganism I guess. There was talking in tongues and even snake rituals. When I was young it was normal but must admit now that it was pretty weird.

  The legends were strange. I remember what happened to Bill Stokley down by Bashful Swamp. He was as white as a ghost when they pulled him from the muck. He spent the entire night submerged up to his neck in a state of catatonia while the leeches sucked his blood. The Sheriff said that there were four alligators nearby. It was a goddamn miracle that they hadn’t eaten him. It took weeks for him to die from infection, and before he passed away he babbled a mad tale to the Sheriff that a lizard humanoid and his lair.

  The town got wind of this and people talked.

  “I always knew that boy had a screw loose in that noggin. He got real weird after Vietnam.” Margery Tierny said one Sunday afternoon after church. But despite this, many thought there was truth in what he said. Even the local news
paper The Eutaw Tribune wrote an article on the subject. It told a tale of a mud hut filled with alligator corpses and dog cadavers. The Sheriff was curious if there was some validity to this tale and asked if he saw any human remains, especially of any children. You see, in Eutaw we have always had a missing children problem. It seems children just up and disappear around here, never to be seen again. People blamed witches, serial killers, and now they could blame the lizard man. Bill shook his head however and later that night died.

  I always believed in the tale. I was no older than eight at the time and remember when they discovered old Dorothy Bane butchered in her house. She also was a firm believer in the Alabama Gods, and we all thought her to be a witch. We figured she was killed by her coven during an argument. I thought at one time she was taking the local kids, but when she died they just continued.

  Now I am sixty three and have spent the last thirty eight years trying to make sense of what I saw that night when I was only twenty five. I had spent the night fucking a passed out Gretchen Ball. I know by today’s standard that is considered rape, but back in 1975 is was just something we did. Hell, Terry Wilson was fucking his sister Rachel every night, and no one batted an eye at that even though he was twenty and she was fifteen. It was a different time.

  Anyway, I was sniffing my fingers and tossing back beers as I walked down the path to Bleak Ridge Lake. Today you all know it as Tanner’s Lake. I was lost in my head, reliving the events of the night when I heard a faint song. I couldn’t understand the words but I could hear that it was a woman, and by the sound she was beautiful. What kind of woman would be out here this time of the night?